Welcome to A Kid With Two Homes

The purpose of this blog is for kids of divorce to feel seen, heard and less alone.

Welcome!

It is likely you know somebody whose parents are no longer together. In fact, one in five Australian children experience their parents separating before the age of 18. Hell, that's a lot! What I have found is the following: If you are a single mother or father, there are books for you to read. Hooray! But what about the kids? Sure, there are some resources out there. But, how many from the perspective of a kid with two homes? In my opinion, not enough! So, here we are.

Bella Duncan

3 min read

Tit-for-Tat

When co-parents go tit-for-tat, it can feel like an emotionally exhausting tennis match for kids of divorce. Going tit-for-tat with your co-parent may not only be futile but can also exacerbate your kids' feelings of feeling caught in the middle of a no-win tug-of-war. Let’s break down how co-parents going tit-for-tat can impact kids of divorce and what co-parents and kids can do to help get through this.

4 min read

Fault

As a kid of divorce, you can become familiar with the world ‘fault’. The word is often thrown around in the context of: “It’s all your father’s fault” or “It’s your mother’s fault that things are this way”. How does this make a kid of divorce feel? Bluntly: not good.

3 min read

Birthdays

As a kid of divorce, having a birthday isn’t as straight forward as one might think. It isn’t as simple as turning a year older and celebrating. No, there is often much more to it than that. Let's break it down.

4 min read

Loyalty

What are loyalty conflicts? Why are they so difficult for kids of divorce? Read on to learn more.

4 min read

Rules

Rules are typically part of any household. But what about when you have two homes and two different sets of rules?

3 min read

Growing Up

Do you want to look forward to growing up rather than fearing it? Lets break it down.

2 min read

Organisation

As a kid of divorce, you are always looking for ways to make your situation easier. Here is one: Get. Organised. Trust me, it helps. Why Get Organised? It is commonly known that organising yourself in the real world can help organise your thoughts. As a kid of divorce, you often have a million thoughts going around in your head. Organising your day-to-day can seriously help with this. Leading an organised life can help you have the mental capacity to focus on your life goals

2 min read

Routine

Establishing routine is important, especially for kids of divorce. Why? Let’s chat about it. Why Establish A Routine? Establishing your own routine and focusing on the things that ARE in your control is a BIG way to overcome stresses associated with your parents’ divorce, and life generally. Routine has been proven to enhance mental health and reduce stress - 2 very important things in a kid of divorce’s life. As a kid of divorce, you can feel as though you have little contr

2 min read

Awareness

Being a kid of divorce can be hard. Why is it this important to know? Because whoever you are, whatever role you play – you can make a d

4 min read

Resentment

I’ve never wanted to resent my parents for their divorce. Why? Because resentment is such an intense feeling to hold on to. Resentment isn’t a feeling you want or need moving forward, beyond your parent’s divorce. What Is Resentment? Resentment is that feeling that you get when you’re angry or mad that something has happened. It’s that bitter feeling of “why did this have to happen to me?” Resentment can look like: Being angry that your parents are no longer together; Bein

2 min read

Assumptions

If you’re a kid of divorce, you have probably felt as though people have made some assumptions about you and your situation. For example, you might have felt as though people have assumed: 1. What it is like being a kid of divorce; or 2. Why your parents got a divorce. Let’s break down what these assumptions can look like, how they can make you feel and what you can control in these situations. Assumption No. 1: Assuming To Know What It Is Like To Be A Kid Of Divorce

3 min read

Decision-Making

As a kid of divorce, you can find yourself making a lot of decisions. This isn’t always an easy task. Decision making can be challenging, overwhelming and complex. This is why it is so important to develop your own decision-making strategy. Let’s break it down. What Decisions Do Kids of Divorce Have To Make? You’re probably thinking – ‘everyone has to make decisions, not just kids of divorce.’ And you’re right! However, kids of divorce tend to have to make some decisions that

3 min read

Holidays

Going on a holiday can be really exciting! However, when you’re a kid with two homes, going on a holiday can also be stressful. You’re probably thinking – but hey! That makes no sense, holidays are supposed to be relaxing. And that, is exactly right. Let’s chat about some ways you can enjoy your holidays, irrespective of the parent you’re with. Wait, How Are Holidays Stressful? Let’s consider the following example: Your dad has planned an awesome holiday. It’s going to be for

3 min read

Christmas

For many, Christmas is a time of joy and thanksgiving. However, it can also be a stressful time, especially for kids of divorce. Acknowledging this stress and how to deal with it is really important. Your Christmas matters - you deserve to experience joy irrespective of your parents' divorce. Let's break down the things you CAN control at Christmas time. A Special Time Christmas is a special time for many. It’s a time to celebrate, a time to be grateful and a time to reflect

3 min read

Pressure

As a kid of divorce, you may experience pressure. You may put pressure on yourself. You may feel pressure from your parents, school or sport. Whatever pressure you may experience, it is important to acknowledge how much pressure can impact your mindset and goals. Pressure can be overwhelming. So, let’s break down how you can effectively deal with it. What Is Pressure? Pressure can arise when you feel stressed, anxious, tense, or burdened. People can feel ‘under pressure’ when

3 min read

Time

Have you ever felt as though you haven’t spent enough quality time with your parents? Spending quality time with your parents can be challenging, especially when you are experiencing divorce, separation or family conflict. However, spending quality time with your parents can also be a great thing. It can help you build your relationships and provide you with the support that you need. Let’s get personal and break down some simple and stress-free ways you can spend quality tim

4 min read

Adapting

If you’re a kid who is experiencing divorce, separation or family conflict, you will likely have to adapt to new circumstances, environments and arrangements quite often. Adapting can be a tricky task – both mentally and logistically. Being able to adapt is a great skill to have. However, it isn’t always something that kids with two homes look forward to. Let’s break down some useful coping mechanisms that you can employ when adapting to new situations. What Do You Mean By ‘

3 min read

Reach Out

For any reason, at any time, you can reach out for help. Experiencing divorce, separation or family conflict is never easy. No matter what position you are in or what your unique circumstances are, there will always be challenges that you are faced with. When standing in front of these challenges, you may feel overwhelmed, frustrated and even lonely. But here’s the thing, you are never alone. Seeking help is one of the strongest things that you can do. Let’s break down the im

4 min read

Relationships

Let’s be honest, it can be hard to view relationships in a positive light after experiencing divorce, separation or family conflict. However, your parents’ divorce, separation or conflict should never impinge on your future relationships. Your future is yours, regardless of any relationship breakdowns you have experienced in the past. Let’s have a chat about how you can adapt your mindset to attract a positive outlook on your future relationships. Mindset Your mindset is the

3 min read

Conflict

Your parents don’t have to be divorced or separated for you to experience conflict. In fact, most people have experienced conflict within their family home in one way or another. It is important to consider how your family’s conflict impacts you. It is equally important to consider positive coping mechanisms that can help you best deal with your family’s conflict. What Do You Mean By ‘Conflict’? In this blog we're going to focus on conflict between your parents. Conflict com

5 min read

Siblings

You can often feel alone when experiencing divorce, separation or family conflict. However, having a sibling can make these experiences far less lonely. Siblings can often feel like a pebble in your shoe that you just can’t get rid of. From the perspective of a kid with two homes, having a sibling is a blessing. Your siblings, they get it. They may even be the closest person to you. What It Means To Have A Sibling If you have a sibling, you should hold an immense amount of

3 min read

Drop-off

Drop off’s can be super stressful. There is really no other way to put it. Getting dropped off or picked up to go to your other home shouldn’t be such a stressful event. Let’s break down how each individual involved can make the drop-off process as seamless as possible. What Do You Mean By ‘Drop-off’? When you’re a kid with two homes, you have to find your way to your other home when the time comes! When you’re under the driving age, this means getting dropped off or picke

3 min read

Packing

It may seem trivial, however, when you’re a kid with two homes, packing a bag SUCKS! Often, trivial ramifications that result from divorce, separation or family conflict are overlooked. Sometimes it is important to acknowledge and accept that trivial ramifications can really have an impact and cause a heap of stress. Packing may be deemed a ‘first world problem’ but it still sucks. What Do You Mean By Packing? Each time I travel between my two homes I have to ensure I have e

3 min read

Favourites

“Whose house do you like better, mum or dad’s?” this is a question I have surprisingly been asked more than once. Playing ‘favourites’ can be really tough on kids with two homes. Hell, on kids in general! Asking somebody to choose between people, places and events can be really unfair. It can often make a kid feel super guilty, pressured and confused for no good reason at all. If you don’t have a favourite, you’re not alone! No one should ever make you feel like you have to c

4 min read

Grandparents

The role of grandparents can be profound. For some, grandparents are a constant. For others, grandparents may be a memory. Regardless, they can help you in ways you may not have thought possible. Whatever role your grandparents may play, it is important to understand the magnitude of their being or memory. Grandparents are an immeasurable gift to many. What’s So Important About Grandparents? Well, without your grandparents, you wouldn’t be here! If you are fortunate to know,

3 min read

Christmas

Christmas is often referred to as a time of joy and thanksgiving. And it absolutely is. Although, Christmas can also be a stressful time for kids of divorce. Whether you go to one or several places on a Christmas Day, it is important to acknowledge the stress it may bring and how to deal with it. It is also important to be grateful for what you have and focus on the present. In the year 2020, Christmas is going to be different for everybody. However, if we all focus on what w

3 min read

Forgiveness

Forgiveness involves the head and the heart. It is not an easy process by any means. Forgiveness does not mean excusing, condoning, forgetting or ‘being a push over.’ Rather, forgiveness is about ensuring that you are in the greatest position possible to focus on your future rather than somebody else’s past decisions. What is Forgiveness? Forgiveness is a choice. It is a deliberate choice to release feelings of anger and resentment. For example, an event took place where some

3 min read

Worry

In the film Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, Newt Scamander said: “Worrying means you suffer twice.” Well, Mr. Scamander, you hit the nail on the head. Worrying about your family members, what might happen and if everything will be OK is normal. However, when worry begins to completely consume you and daily goals, then worry can be a really big problem. It is really important that you find a balance between allowing yourself to feel your emotions and ensuring you are

3 min read

'Broken' Family

You have probably heard of the term ‘broken family’ or ‘broken home.’ You may even use it to describe a family that has been impacted by divorce or separation. Whatever way you resonate with the term ‘broken family’, it’s time we talk about what this really means and how it can make somebody feel. Is ‘broken’ really the right term to be using? I would argue, no, it is not. What Does A Broken Family Really Mean? When somebody describes a broken family, they are usually r

4 min read

Communication

Have you ever found it hard to communicate what you’re feeling? Or, maybe you have felt like the ‘messenger.’ Constantly delivering messages from one person to another. This can be a super heavy weight on your shoulders. Whatever your experiences may be, it is important to understand that communication can be a really good thing. How? Let’s break it down. What Is the Purpose of Communicating? The purpose of communicating can be: 1. To express feelings 2. To be understoo

5 min read

Responsibility

Having responsibility and being responsible can be a great thing. Though, not everything and everyone is your responsibility. Especially when it comes to family conflict or separation. You may feel as though you are responsible for your parents' happiness, loneliness or ‘making everything better.’ If you feel like this or can relate to this in any way, you are not alone. It is really important to understand that your parents' separation is not your fault. What Is Respon

3 min read

Acceptance

Accepting the fact that your parents are no longer together can be really tough. Though, learning to accept this fact will help you propel your life in a direction of your own choosing. Accepting the series of events that follow a divorce, separation or family conflict can be an extremely big task. It is tough, but it is also possible. Let’s break it down. What Do I Need To Accept? Acceptance comes in many different shapes and forms. Let’s say for example: Your paren

3 min read

Welcome!

3 min read

Welcome to A Kid With Two Homes

Welcome!

Tit-for-Tat

Fault

Birthdays

Loyalty

Rules

Growing Up

Organisation

Routine

Awareness

Resentment

Assumptions

Decision-Making

Holidays

Christmas

Pressure

Time

Adapting

Reach Out

Relationships

Conflict

Siblings

Drop-off

Packing

Favourites

Grandparents

Christmas

Forgiveness

Worry

'Broken' Family

Communication

Responsibility

Acceptance

Welcome!

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