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  • Bella Duncan

Siblings


You can often feel alone when experiencing divorce, separation or family conflict.


However, having a sibling can make these experiences far less lonely.


Siblings can often feel like a pebble in your shoe that you just can’t get rid of.


From the perspective of a kid with two homes, having a sibling is a blessing.


Your siblings, they get it.


They may even be the closest person to you.


What It Means To Have A Sibling

If you have a sibling, you should hold an immense amount of gratitude.


You’re probably thinking – “gratitude?! Are you kidding? They are so annoying!”


If this is you, it’s OK, however, let’s consider all of the other things your sibling can be – other than annoying at times.


Having a sibling during tough family times can be the most valuable thing to have.


Your sibling is also experiencing the separation of their family.

Your sibling may be feeling lonely too.

Your sibling gets you, especially if you allow them too.


But We’re So Different!


Very few siblings are the exact clone of each other.


In fact, siblings are mostly vastly different to one another.


However, this doesn’t mean that they can’t be your greatest companion during tough family times.


Although each individuals’ experiences are completely unique when it comes to family separation, it is likely that you and your sibling’s experiences are inherently similar.


So, What Does This Mean?

You get each other.

You can be each other’s greatest support.

You can get through tough times together and not alone.


Let’s consider the following example:


Growing up going between two homes, my brother and I have always stuck together. This is not only because our parents insisted on it, so did we.


Acceptance, responsibility, Christmas time, packing – it has all been made that little bit easier because I know I have my little bro right by my side doing it all with me.


Your sibling can be your go-to, if you allow them to be.


Some Handy Tips

1. Always Go Together


If you are a kid with two homes and you have a sibling, it is a great idea to have your sibling travel with you to both of your homes when you do.


Don’t go alone. Allow your sibling to be there with you. Allow yourselves to comfort each other.


You may be thinking - “But I don’t want my mum to be alone when I’m at my dad’s and vice versa. It’s just easiest for our parents if we split up.”


Let’s re-think this.


Your parent’s loneliness is not your responsibility. It sounds harsh, but it is true.


Having your sibling travel with you between homes can be the greatest comfort.


This isn’t about your parents; it is about YOU.


Consider finding the best way to communicate to your parents that you and your sibling want to travel together.


You will be surprised how much comfort this can bring you.


2. Push Past The ‘Annoying’ Part


If you’re the older sibling, remember that you are a role model to your younger sibling.


If you’re the younger sibling, remember that your older sibling cares about you and is likely trying to protect you from getting into harm’s way.


Sure, siblings can be annoying – that’s life.


However, you have to push past the ‘annoying excuse’ to adequately deal with divorce, separation or family conflict.


There will be times when you feel so frustrated with the world that you don’t want anybody’s comfort, including that of your siblings.


That’s OK – we all have days like this. However, don’t let this become routine.


Sometimes it may seem as though it is easier to just label our sibling as annoying and try to deal with everything on our own.


Let me tell you – this is certainly not the easiest option.


Be strong, push past the temptation to block your sibling out.


Remember –

You get each other.

You can be each other’s greatest support.

You can get through tough times together and not alone.


3. Have Each Other’s Back


Because you get each other, you will be able to have each other’s back in the good times and when the going gets tough.


One of the most important tasks in your life is to support you sibling to the greatest extent possible.


You are in it together. Stand up for each other. Support each other. Have each other’s backs.


You are so fortunate to have a sibling. Capitalise on this.


You Are Not Alone

Really, you aren’t. Especially if you have a sibling.


Although not being in your shoes, I aim to understand and honour your unique position in this world. Please feel free to contact me by submitting a contact form here or by emailing me at bella.m.duncan@gmail.com.