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  • Bella Duncan

Relationships

Let’s be honest, it can be hard to view relationships in a positive light after experiencing divorce, separation or family conflict.


However, your parents’ divorce, separation or conflict should never impinge on your future relationships.


Your future is yours, regardless of any relationship breakdowns you have experienced in the past.


Let’s have a chat about how you can adapt your mindset to attract a positive outlook on your future relationships.


Mindset

Your mindset is the way that you view the world. It’s super important and plays a major role in your attitudes, actions and ultimate happiness!


There are various factors that contribute to your mindset, namely, your past experiences, your future wants, desires and fears.


So, what does this have to do with divorce and your future relationships? Well, a hell of a lot.


Having experienced divorce, separation and family conflict can have a massive impact on your mindset, the way that you view relationships, what you avoid and what you attract.


Let’s consider the following example:


Your parents divorced when you were young. Both you and your parents have experienced conflict, hurt, sadness and frustration.


So, you start to find yourself thinking: “what even is the point of relationships if they all have the potential to end up like this?”


If you have this mindset, you are not alone.


However, this is neither a fair nor ideal mindset to have.


Your future relationships depend on your mindset.


Adapting Your Mindset


Adapting your mindset can be tough.


Yet, it is vital to ensure that you foster your future relationships and develop an outlook that extends beyond any of your past experiences.


Let’s focus on three key steps to adapt your mindset around relationships:


1. Acceptance


There are two key facts that you must accept: 1. Not all relationships breakdown and 2. There will always be the possibility that your relationship will end.


Just because your parents’ relationship broke down, it does not mean that your future relationships will too.


Sure, there will always be the possibility that your relationship may end. However, focusing on this will only end in regret.


Acknowledging and accepting these facts can be counter-intuitive and overwhelming. However, it is both possible and necessary to do so.


Accepting these facts can also help your overcome your fears in regard to your future relationships.


2. Persist in Overcoming Fear


Consider your greatest fear in regard to your future relationships.


It probably sounds something like: “what happened in my parents’ relationship will happen in mine.”


This is a fear that you will have to overcome again and again.


Persistence is key. Once you enter into your future relationships, your fears don’t just automatically disappear.


Each day you will have to persist in overcoming your fears, again and again.


3. Communicate


Communicate your fears, mindset, and expectations.


Your fears around relationships can drive you mad if you attempt to deal with them alone.


If you fear your partner leaving you because that’s what happened in your parents’ relationship, communicate this.


A partner who cares about you will help you foster and develop a mindset that will propel your relationship forward, beyond your past experiences.


Is All of the Above Even Possible? Let’s Get Personal

It absolutely is.


Everybody’s experience and circumstances are unique, however, there is always possibility and hope for your future relationships.


Growing up in two homes and with divorced parents allowed me to develop fears around my future relationships.


As already discussed, looking beyond the circumstances of your parents’ divorce and accepting that the same won’t eventuate for you can be an extremely difficult task.


However, by:


1. Accepting my situation and all of the possibilities that may eventuate in my future relationships;

2. Persisting (each and every day) to overcome my fears and;

3. Continuously communicating to my loved ones about my fears


I am extremely grateful to say that I have adapted my mindset to positively view relationships, accept the love that I deserve and focus on fostering my relationship, beyond my fears associated with my parents’ divorce.


Your Future Relationships Are YOURS


Your future relationships are yours.


They extend far beyond the circumstances of your parents’ divorce, separation and conflict.


You are not alone.


Although not being in your shoes, I aim to understand and honour your unique position in this world.


Please feel free to contact me by submitting a contact form here or by emailing me at bella.m.duncan@gmail.com.












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