In the film Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, Newt Scamander said:
“Worrying means you suffer twice.”
Well, Mr. Scamander, you hit the nail on the head.
Worrying about your family members, what might happen and if everything will be OK is normal.
However, when worry begins to completely consume you and daily goals, then worry can be a really big problem.
It is really important that you find a balance between allowing yourself to feel your emotions and ensuring you are still striving towards your goals.
What Is Worry?
Worry can come in many forms.
Your parents may be consistently fighting, and you may be worried what will happen if they don’t reach a resolution. You may be worried for yourself and what will happen to you.
Where will you live? Will you get to see both parents if they separate? Will you get a say in what happens?
Your parents are separated, and you worry about the parent that you are not presently with. You probably ask yourself question such as: Are they OK? Are they lonely?
I know I sure do.
Worry can be tough to deal with.
So, What Can I Do About It?
If you worry about what will happen, remember what Newt Scamander says:
“Worrying means you suffer twice.”
When we worry, we fear that something will happen.
If that something never happens, you experienced the stress of worry for no reason.
If that something does in fact happen, then you experienced the stress of worry twice.
First when you worried about it and second when it actually happened.
Now, the point of this blog is to be realistic.
There is no switch that you simply flick off to stop worrying.
However, there are some mechanisms that can be super handy.
1. Focus on what you can control
In the situation of separation or family conflict a lot is not in your control.
Some may see this as unfortunate. Others, like me, see it as an opportunity to be present.
Focusing on what you can control can help you get in a positive mindset to effectively deal with your worry.
You may be worried about whether or not you will spend enough quality time with your dad before having to leave to go to your mums.
Here what is in control is the effort that you put in to making sure you spend some quality time with your dad.
This may be achieved by asking your dad to go for a walk or sitting down and having dinner together.
Being present, accepting the now and focusing on the what you can control will set you up for a lot of things in life.
2. You are not responsible for your parents’ feelings
Growing up I would often worry about my parents and whether they were lonely or sad because they couldn’t be with my brother or I.
This can be tough to accept, however, it is really important to remember that your parents and their feelings are not your responsibility.
3. Set yourself achievable goals
Worry can be so consuming that it takes away from your daily and even life goals.
A way to avoid this is to set yourself achievable goals.
A goal does not have to be something that takes all of your might.
All a goal has to be is achievable and realistic.
A goal may be to get up before a certain time each morning and make your bed.
If you set yourself goals and hold yourself accountable to these goals, worry has little room to consume you.
Reach Out To Me!
I get it, worry can be tough to deal with. Some days it can be pretty consuming.
However, if you focus on:
1. What you can control
2. Your parents feelings are not your responsibility
3. Setting yourself achievable goals
You can help yourself to be present, enjoy your days and avoid worry consuming your world.
Although not being in your shoes, I aim to understand and honour your unique position in this world. Please feel free to contact me by submitting a contact form here or by emailing me at firstname.lastname@example.org.